Monday, April 28, 2003

(Profile Photo)

28 July 06: Don't know how else to post a profile photo onto Blogger

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

I recently found out that I had the power to hurt people. I never realised that I yielded such power.

I find it quite shocking, in some contorted sense, that I have friends -- friends who live and breathe, who love and care.
There was a huge point in my life when I saw the possibility of me being the only thing living on earth -- really living a life. The other people on earth were just pawns and actors used by a greater being to affect my life. Is that egotistical or what? (By saying what, I do mean that as a sincere question; it isn't a mere rhetoric exclamation.)

Sometimes, when I'm talking to Alexander or Janna, it suddenly seems all so out-of-place, as if I have been teleported to another timezone, another life. I think it's because I see myself from out of my body. No, not literally, that would be freaky. It's more of a "let's get a big picture" thing. It may be slightly philosophical, but philosophy stinks, so I shan't use that word too freely. (What I feel is real, philosophy, on the other hand, mostly takes elements out of emotional situations. There hardly is any real application to practical life, not to me at least.)

I'm not quite sure what to think anymore. I'm glad I've chosen not to think that much. I'll probably end up a psychosomatic impractical fool. I used to think excessively and quite needlessly in my early teen years. I recently turned 18. I think I've grown up quite some bit. Thinking a lot doesn't equate maturity, I believe. Maturity is more marked by the ability to control my mind.

No one quite needs to read this. I just need a conduit to express myself. Typing gives me a lovely therapeutic sensation.

Friday, April 11, 2003

What is the purpose of General Paper examinations? Is it meant to test candidate's ability to discuss and express his thoughts on a particular issue or is it intended to penalise those who fall prey to the questions' tricky phrasing?
GP lessons in school seem to focus more on handling the tricky words rather than the content and ways in which we can express our ideas. It appears to me that GP questions are deliberately crafted to be abstruse and where the bulk of marks lie in the interpretation of the question.
It's so ironic how people and the world lose focus of the original task after doing it for a long period.

Today is the day when I wanted to simply quit school and get married. I use the past tense because I don't think about it anymore. It sounds like the easy way out of studying, but apparently, there aren't enough decently rich (those earning enough to support a four member family) guys who are willing to marry a JC dropout. So that calls for Plan B...

There is no Plan B.

Looks like I just have to struggle through JC life just like all the rest of us stuck in this system (those who enjoy mugging probably don't feel as stuck as I do). God help me. I mean that.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Fake Love

Is it possible to pretend to love someone? Something like carrying out a pseudo-real-relationship without the element of love? Can the most professional expert on psychology carry out such a stunt? In addition to reading and watching literaturish love stories, perhaps a bit of personal experience can aid in that act. I don't know. Is it possible?
Will that expertise see you through marriage? Or is love really something more complicated than knowing how to react to the other person to make him think you love him?