Monday, August 02, 2004

The Pre-Employment Medical Check-Up

MOE sent me on a medical check-up at Raffles Hospital yesterday.

First, I had to collect my own pee. I have never ever done that before, and even more so in a tiny approximately 3cm-diameter plastic container. I don’t have a kuku, so I can’t with my visual sense immediately take aim. So there I was in the one-cubicle toilet and figuring things out while my grandmother stood outside politely and probably over-genially informing those in the queue that I was “still” inside. I finally took a horse stance position, letting some pee out first so that it would disclose the position of my peehole, and then placed the vial under the estimated position (parallax error and all) and doing it. I still got my hand a little messy; blame the unpredictable stream.

The thin transparent plastic container lucidly exposed the strong shade of yellow my urine was. I regretted not drinking more water prior to the check-up. To deposit the vial in the designated place, I had to make my way there in front of the waiting area. Thankfully, Mama served as a convenient distraction as she walked by my “public” side to Location X.

Later, I had to get my chest X-ray. I was told to exchange my shirt and bra in exchange for a flimsy shower robe. Being braless was not the worst part (after all, I am rather accustomed to that). It was the waiting in the robe that threatened to reveal whatever was, or wasn’t, underneath, and in a common waiting area among men who did not have to undergo the same treatment, which made me extremely uncomfortable. A youthfully attractive boy in the white gown called me in for the X-ray. He was going to ask me to disrobe and place my whatevers against that cold metal plate while sharing the same room with only him – or at least that was the worst that I thought could happen. Thankfully, I just had to get into a constipated chicken position: head sticking awkwardly upwards to stretch my spine, chest pressed forward and arms hugging the metal plate, palms facing out, with the purple robe on.

While queuing up to change, an Indian nurse in distress asked me for the simplest favour – tell the two PRC girls there with her what they have to do with their clothes and robes. I readily agreed, then after a moment of processing what exactly I had to say, I hastily told her I did not think I could do so. How do you translate bra into Chinese? Anyway, I stuttered a barely cohesive set of instructions that included “nei4 yi1” and a lot of wild gestures. My sign language probably got the message across.

Then, there was the breast examination. I thought the female doctor would subtly slip her hands under my shirt. But no, perhaps because I was wearing a sports bra, I was laid flat while she lifted both my shirt and elastic inner garment up and in the bright fluorescent light, felt and stared blatantly. We were chatting throughout the examination, but when it came to that private moment, only an awkward silence was exchanged. Since there are visibly no mounds on my chest, I wondered whether she could feel any hint of a lump, besides potentially cancerous ones, at all.

Anyway, I cleared my medical.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahaha wail! that sounds like the med exam i went through. The urine test was corny. I got my hands messy too and i was trying to figure a way to get back to the room from the bathroom without making a show of the contents of the translucent plastic cup and the colour of my pee (which is at most times transparent but because i had just woken up was much less than optimal...) The massage was so ticklish i was trying to keep myself from laughing which translated to an awkward silence (at least on my side, the doc's prolly used to it). The X-ray was the worst, the lady was so grouchy she said, strip and put on the robe. and i'm like, okay, underwear included? and she kinda snapped in chi, what do you think? Then i was the only one there, so where do i put my clothes? I wasn't ready to have my visibly attention grabbing undies lie around for display. and suchlike.

i think i'll leave my name out. i got carried away with the embarrassing details.

Whale said...

Hee.. It's ok.. I still know who you are. That's all that matters.. ;) Why did you have to go for one anyway?

Anonymous said...

heh.. u really are very very detailed..
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