I thought I had gone past that stage, looked beyond my own upbringing, when I found myself trusting my happiness to Ly. But on second thought, it's probably just him -- his inability to lie and his simpleness. How many men are truly like this?
If this relationship does not work out, I'll probably not love again. I still want my kids, I think. So I'll adopt. One, maybe two. Be a single mum. It's ok. My mum did it, and did it well too. Who needs a father anyway? Of course, he'll be nice to have, but not a necessity.
I might date to pass time, but I'll never commit and I'd reject love all the way until I'm in my late 30s or 40s when the fear of loneliness outweighs the risk of getting hurt. At that point, I might be at the peak of my career (yes, I'll work on my career then since there isn't anyone left to invest my energies in); a seemingly confident, self-sufficient woman.
He'll probably be someone who has been through something similar too, but years of hardening and lovelesssness have made him forget what it was like to be hurt and those self-protective jaded feelings would by then have given way to a stronger yearning for a loving companionship.
He'll resurrect my insecurities (women don't forget as easily as men) and then gently settle them. He'll do something ridiculously romantic -- Hollywoodish -- and I'll fall hopelessly prey to him. He'll take care of my children like they were his too. I might have that kind of romance and a wedding with an aging bride and groom. My kids would like him and would be happy for Mummy.
Ah.. Stupid Hollywood. Why does that money-churning industry leave its stupid dreams in my mind? Stupid dreams that never get fulfilled and leave me wanting. I am a sucker.
If this relationship does not work out, I'll probably not love again. I still want my kids, I think. So I'll adopt. One, maybe two. Be a single mum. It's ok. My mum did it, and did it well too. Who needs a father anyway? Of course, he'll be nice to have, but not a necessity.
I might date to pass time, but I'll never commit and I'd reject love all the way until I'm in my late 30s or 40s when the fear of loneliness outweighs the risk of getting hurt. At that point, I might be at the peak of my career (yes, I'll work on my career then since there isn't anyone left to invest my energies in); a seemingly confident, self-sufficient woman.
He'll probably be someone who has been through something similar too, but years of hardening and lovelesssness have made him forget what it was like to be hurt and those self-protective jaded feelings would by then have given way to a stronger yearning for a loving companionship.
He'll resurrect my insecurities (women don't forget as easily as men) and then gently settle them. He'll do something ridiculously romantic -- Hollywoodish -- and I'll fall hopelessly prey to him. He'll take care of my children like they were his too. I might have that kind of romance and a wedding with an aging bride and groom. My kids would like him and would be happy for Mummy.
Ah.. Stupid Hollywood. Why does that money-churning industry leave its stupid dreams in my mind? Stupid dreams that never get fulfilled and leave me wanting. I am a sucker.
1 comment:
hey!
realise you ve been blogging more than usual. tsk. hmm. shld be a good sign.
anyways, thank you for the compliment. heheh. and woman, i have short hair until lower sec lor. not just in pri sch. ehem. not very attentive ok.
and well, i think you can go a long long way w ly. so dont worry about being single. i've been single for long and enjoying. :D
take careeee
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