Thursday, January 29, 2004

The Only 2 Reasons Why I'm Glad My Malaysian Mum Converted Her Citizenship

Blogging makes me more conscious of the morality of my thoughts, or rather the portrayal of my morality.
Therefore, to prevent myself from looking like a critical snob, I shall give only 2 good reasons why I am glad to be a Singaporean, why I wouldn’t want to stay in Malaysia on a long-term basis and/or in support of a Singaporean citizenship (versus a Malaysian one) advertisement.

To begin with, here’s a little history on how this thought evolved:
My Mum grew up in Taiping, a small mining town in Perak, Malaysia. She then came to Singapore to take up law, after which she started working in the city, characterised by the poised Sir Stamford Raffles, Merlion with evil colour-changing glowing eyes, Courtesy Lion and Clean-and-Green smiling frog.
Falling in love either with the quaint country or with the man she met at the Sonny Lau Dance Studio who would later become her husband (I have no idea which came first), she converted her citizenship and also registered my sister and I as Singaporeans. That is one of the many things I’m eternally grateful for.
Anyway, Mum, Sis and I make frequent trips to Malaysia (often K.L.) for our annual shopping trips and relative visitations.

I just returned from the Chinese New Year spent in K.L. and of course, another bout of mad shopping.
This trip was a longer one for me this time around – 5 days (usually, we stay an average of 3 days, basically only during long weekends when Mum doesn’t have to worry about missing work). An additional two days meant a lot for my general experience of Malaysian life.

Back to the 2 reasons, here they are:

1) I don’t like Malaysia
a) The water from the taps and cisterns is a muddy yellow (it looks as if the toilets are never flushed). I prefer rinsing my mouth with recycled pee in Singapore anytime to almost unfiltered genuine pee in Malaysia.
b) I don’t feel safe even in the shopping centre. I also very much prefer the inexperienced and pathetic graffiti of the word “Sars” on walls near my home to “F*ck you cina”.
c) The majority of cars there are way due for scrape. (Apparently, I’m quite aesthetically fussy even on the roads.)
d) Where mosquitoes are rampant, I have to wave one hand behind me to resemble a cow’s tail while trying to shit, in order to shoo off mosquitoes ferociously trying to feed on my succulent rear even in my fourth aunt’s condominium penthouse.
e) The architects habitually miss out the most basic home-building requirements such as water drainage holes outside the shower area, water pumps for units at higher levels (I was forced back into the time of bucket-bathing because the low-pressured showers there produced only a small stream of water good enough for brushing teeth) and an-adequate-length tap heads (which means your toothbrush always touches the sink while you try to rinse it under the tap).
f) The areas in K.L. are named Section 32, SS11 etc. versus the colourful and even laughable names of the Singapore housing estates and road names.
g) Malaysia’s toilets are perennially irrigated because of the Malays’ habit of washing up after they excrete (a good hygienic but really impractical and messy habit).
h) There aren’t bus-stops within walking distances from most homes and no MRTs going to every major town. i.e. I’ll never sustain a home tuition career there nor will I be able to go pak-tor-ing (dating) without my Mum if I did not own a car and a license.
i) Despite being a couple of degrees further away from the equator than Singapore, K.L. always feels hotter than my dear “air-conditioned nation”.

2) I love Singapore


On a brighter note, I feel pretty in Malaysia because the fashion there is usually 2 steps behind Singapore’s and the girls there are more conservative and less exposed to the image-consciousness found in Singapore (sadly brought about by the epidemic of slimming advertisements and skin/flesh-bearing fashion). The girls there hardly dress up; the daily garb consists of T-shirts and jeans, very much unlike Singapore where there is a varied style of trends (close-to-nakedness, Jap, pop, bohemian, grunge, radical…).
In Singapore, I’m considered a plain cosmetic-virgin Jane who has retained the hairstyle of a 5-year-old girl (especially by the standards of those from my theatre group). In contrast to that, I appear trendy and maybe even overdressed while walking in a K.L. shopping centre.

Another positive side of K.L. (to balance my commentary) would be her absence of rude gawking hum-sup-guis (lecherous men) and equally offensive and kiasu housewives divulging the 30%-discount wagons.

But I’m still not moving Malaysia anytime soon, as long as my sanity (or perhaps the absence of it) remains in me.

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