Food Poisioning @ The Wedding Banquet

I received first class treatment in the Esplanade on Friday night. In the midst of watching ‘The Wedding Banquet’, I started suffering form stomach contractions, or something of the same pain-inducing kind. The nausea that accompanied it was a distinctive characteristic of food-poisoning (prawn-filled-chee-cheong-fan-from-the-Tiong-Bahru-foodcourt-poisoning).

My prayers kept me as far as the end of the show. While waiting for Mum to find that green car of hers in the huge car-park, I had a bad bout of intestinal contortions that sent me on the floor. Ly panicked in the most candid manner; even Cui (my sister) was of a lower anxiety level than him. Somehow, the efficient security and car-park marshals found me on the floor in the middle of the car-park and radioed (walkie-talkied) for help.

After Ly and a smiling security guard lifted me by my probably-sweaty-by-then armpits – most embarrassingly – to help me walk to the air-con interior, a wheelchair was brought down and I was comfortably placed on it. It was my first time on a chair with 2 wheels. I must admit the female usher did a better job of pushing me compared to the shaky Ly. The experience was quite exhilarating despite the pain and utmost fear of farting amidst the hoohaa, particularly when I was being lifted up. Throughout the entire affair, I instinctively knew I’d feel better once I let out a resounding flatulence.

Thankfully, the awkwardness diminished slightly when they Esplanade staff left the 4 of us alone in the First Aid room – with bathroom attached – after kindly passing us a glass of warm water (which I guiltily forgot to drink). I could finally fart in peace and without reservations – but that wasn’t quite the case with Ly in the enclosed room too. I couldn't be bothered anymore anyhow. I sat happily on the cool, clean toilet bowl (after struggling with the butterfly pants – a huge piece of cloth that requires tying at the front and back to ensure it stays on the hips – that Ly spontaneously bought me a couple of weeks back) and I pushed hard. And I farted: 3 rudely loud but contenting ones. I'm quite certain the sound of the semi-solid goo that was excreted with pure joy travelled through the unlocked toilet door into the room..

I guess that makes Ly family now, since he has now seen me in my full humanity. (Virgin guys think their girlfriends are saints/angels/goddesses until they marry the very same saint/angel/goddess.)