Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Of Noses, Eyelids, Red Ants, Vulgarites & Other Unpleasant Things of Life

I'm feeling sick.
I've been sick since Friday. What annoys me most is the runny nose, but now, I've an added inconvenience: a sticky eyelid because of some unseen infection in my left eye.

I am at home now, after getting leave off school (the 2 periods of which consisted an Economics pep talk, a fire drill and getting my Divinity prelims papers back).

I feel so mung-zhang (grouchy in some dialect, probably Hokkien). I came home to find small red ants in the laundry basket (I hate ants) clumped on a towel. Did I mention I hate ants? It wasn't as if that wasn't awful enough to add to my leaky nose, half-shut eyes and an ambivalent fever (I have no idea whether I'm feeling hot or cold; I feel cold under my pull-over and yet perspire in this coldness). That towel was mine – and I didn't use it – someone who has no sense of what's hers used my towel – and got red ants all over it. I am so inclined to believe, to the extent I don't want to say "I'm inclined", but simply state knowingly, that that someone is my sister – the same 14-year-old sister who used to wear my underwear by mistake because she doesn't give two hoots about the ownership of personal belongings.

[I thought I promised myself never to grouse on my blog. I'm still trying to restrain the vulgarities and other uncouth nouns, verbs, adjectives, fillers and exclamations.]

Darn… I feel sick.
I’m going about the house cursing and swearing at any sight of red ants and any evidence of my sister’s irresponsibility and lack of consideration for the house.

I do swear; I’m human.
(Angel in Weiling says: Now, now, don't use the "I'm a fallen being afterall" logic as an excuse.)

I hate this. Even as I’m typing these grouses, I can barely forgive myself for saying all these. I’m justifying in my mind why my unpleasant remarks are not right. I have no freedom from myself (not that I really think complete freedom would do me any good – see, there I go again correcting myself).

Damn it.

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